There are many living organisms on this planet and i am one of them. What Kind? Good question ... ... ... ... .. I am thinking .... ... ... !! If you get to know once you have read through the blog ... and think you have found out ..... do let me know ... I'll be glad to know t00 ... !!
This might turn out to be the longest or the shortest possible blog over a certain period of time defined to be just over 10 days (from when the first post is made apart from the introduction of course .... just the next abnormally long weekend) ..... !! Either ways I hope i make history ..... even Guinness book of world records would do .... but if i do not .... i have no regrets .... !! Asking me why ??
Well some great goon once said just before he was caught swindling the world... "Prevention is better than cure !!", and i like goons. I believe they are my brothers like all dogs all over, and they pooed the day i was born in joy and will be the only ones to mourn the day i die by actually crying ... yes dogs cry too .... unbelievable but true .... if you do own one, leave one at home and go away ...... i can bet a million bucks (even if i lose u pay me since i am broke) that their eyes will be swollen but will still bark with happiness at the sight of u!!
Coming back to the prevention better than cure part of the entire thing ...... i am writing this blog for just one purpose ..... !! I have heard that bad smoking and drinking habits cause memory failure ..... and if i ever have a memory failure ..., i am sure if some one reads this blog out to me ..... i might get back to normalcy once more ....... !!! Thus proving the point prevention is better than cure, as today i am preventing the scope of lifetime memory loss ...... !!
Some posts maybe really small some maybe big, some maybe hilarious, some maybe sad, ..... do not go by the size or emotions .... go by the what you feel about it ... Its About how we can continuously live on the edge and not lament, how we can struggle to enjoy but still laugh, its about how we rebel, its about what we think about a situation ... how we cope with it .... and how we live/do not live/ stop living around it. But yes ...... the blogs will be written in such a manner that no one will be disappointed .... !!!
And oh yes ... unlike other blogs, this one you have to read from top to bottom and not from bottom to up ..... (ignore the dates, they are as fictitious as me !!).
Dedicated to patientce and belief
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Prelude ....
The tales as they appear are in the order they occur to my forgetful mind as i recall incidents dear to me .... and not in the order of any affection to a particular memory ... !!
All incidents are real .... but the character's are fictitious .... any resemblance to a person living or dead is purely coincidental ... !!
Dedicated to the lawmakers who might catch me breaking the law
All incidents are real .... but the character's are fictitious .... any resemblance to a person living or dead is purely coincidental ... !!
Dedicated to the lawmakers who might catch me breaking the law
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The first memory ...
The first memory I have is more from some pictures and hearsay .... where i was sitting on the bed, chubby cheeked, bald headed, wearing my first birthday conical cap and wagging my invisible tail eating cake out of a steel bowl really excited at having so many visitors at the same time that i managed to crawl with cap head body tail cake and everything else towards them and fell from the bed where i was sitting .... !!!
No wonder the memories are only from pictures and hearsay ..... !! They also say that i developed a nice potato on my forehead due to the fall but well its not really documented nor pictured so we shall feign that it never happened !!
And here in starts my journey ...... from the beds edge to life's edge ..... !!
Dedicated to the potato on my head and cut near my eye which still exists
No wonder the memories are only from pictures and hearsay ..... !! They also say that i developed a nice potato on my forehead due to the fall but well its not really documented nor pictured so we shall feign that it never happened !!
And here in starts my journey ...... from the beds edge to life's edge ..... !!
Dedicated to the potato on my head and cut near my eye which still exists
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Those infant Days ....
After a bump on the head, some people learn, some people like getting bumps on their head as they are kind of not normal. I am one of them, and even after the first birthday 'bash' i continued to get regularly having such wounds all over the body as i had a bad habit of jumping from place to place or even trying to do some acrobatics while being on all fours.
Well that phase in life was over when i joined my first school. A school with a rather feminine name, "Queens Park", i of course would have preferred if the name had been "Queen Spark". At least it would have been more like some super heroines name or something. Hm mm even if i try really hard i do not remember much of that place apart from the sliding boards and the enormous field that it had where i could raise Cain and cause enough trouble.
Due to some peculiar circumstance not known by me (however what my elder brother tells me it was because all teachers retired at once since they considered themselves a failure as they could not tame me) the school shut down, and i had to move to another school called Tiny Tots. I liked this school. At least i liked the name, and was scared that even this might shut down, hence tried to control my animal instincts while i was there.
This was not good from my momsie's (moms) perspective as all the suppressed desires came out while i was at home, and she had a whale of a time trying to control me. From putting acid into my eyes to see if it becomes as white as the pot to rolling down the stairs to see if i was a human or a ball or to small pranks like climbing up trees to see the horizon from the top of the shed or just simply trying to pull of the gardener's dhoti while he was at work, i did make a lot of mischief. The only time when i was quiet was when i listened to music. My mom found that out soon, and every time she had to go do some work, she would put on the record player and make me sit in front of it and go away. I would sit there like an angel not even batting my eyelids. But as soon as the record got over, the two horns on the head would start coming out once more. But mom would get the signal, and would be back in her rocking chair keeping an eagle eye on me.
People ask me what my mom does. Well factually she is a designer, but actually i think in those early days, she had a bigger job to do, and retired from that job once i grew up and took to designing.
I never regretted growing up, cause even though today i may no longer be an infant, in every step of my life, i still try and maintain the same level of innocent mischief wherever i go and in whatever i do. Someday if the two twain's (the devil and the evil, since i have no good in me) in myself meet, i hope they shake hands and say "It was teamwork, we made him realize life was never an empty dream!!"
Dedicated to the infants of the world
Well that phase in life was over when i joined my first school. A school with a rather feminine name, "Queens Park", i of course would have preferred if the name had been "Queen Spark". At least it would have been more like some super heroines name or something. Hm mm even if i try really hard i do not remember much of that place apart from the sliding boards and the enormous field that it had where i could raise Cain and cause enough trouble.
Due to some peculiar circumstance not known by me (however what my elder brother tells me it was because all teachers retired at once since they considered themselves a failure as they could not tame me) the school shut down, and i had to move to another school called Tiny Tots. I liked this school. At least i liked the name, and was scared that even this might shut down, hence tried to control my animal instincts while i was there.
This was not good from my momsie's (moms) perspective as all the suppressed desires came out while i was at home, and she had a whale of a time trying to control me. From putting acid into my eyes to see if it becomes as white as the pot to rolling down the stairs to see if i was a human or a ball or to small pranks like climbing up trees to see the horizon from the top of the shed or just simply trying to pull of the gardener's dhoti while he was at work, i did make a lot of mischief. The only time when i was quiet was when i listened to music. My mom found that out soon, and every time she had to go do some work, she would put on the record player and make me sit in front of it and go away. I would sit there like an angel not even batting my eyelids. But as soon as the record got over, the two horns on the head would start coming out once more. But mom would get the signal, and would be back in her rocking chair keeping an eagle eye on me.
People ask me what my mom does. Well factually she is a designer, but actually i think in those early days, she had a bigger job to do, and retired from that job once i grew up and took to designing.
I never regretted growing up, cause even though today i may no longer be an infant, in every step of my life, i still try and maintain the same level of innocent mischief wherever i go and in whatever i do. Someday if the two twain's (the devil and the evil, since i have no good in me) in myself meet, i hope they shake hands and say "It was teamwork, we made him realize life was never an empty dream!!"
Dedicated to the infants of the world
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
My first successful interview
One fine morning i was dressed up by momsie in all nice formals with my unruly hair set with a lot of effort, since a part of my hair never settled down on the scalp, and to make things worse it's exactly on near the portion from where the horns of the devil grow. I face the same problem even today, and if it takes me 20 minutes to get ready, 15 minutes go in settling that part of the hair.
I was surprised, no one ever troubled me much while i was a kid, i used to tie my own shoe laces, wear my own uniform and go to Tiny Tots, then why this sudden rush of adrenaline to dress me up for some show? I asked my momsie "Where are we going? Is it a fancy dress ball?" She gave me a small momsie like smile and said that i was going to give answers to some questions to a big unknown man, and she said if that big unknown man offered me sweets or toffees, i should just take one and not act greedy. I nodded my head in agreement and set off with my parents to meet this big unknown man.
I entered the big unknown mans office. It was huge and had many glass shelves with a lot of books in them. I was expecting to meet a big time giant there, but in turn i saw this stout bald short man with a very deep scary voice. I was taken aback. My imagination and reality were not matching, this was calamity. So before he could ask me much, i asked him "Have you hidden the big man somewhere?". He gave a small snort (I till this date hope it was out of happiness), and helped me sit on a high chair kept near his desk.
During the course of conversation, he asked me a lot of questions, and they were so easy. He asked me my name, and my parents name and what they did and what i do when i do not sleep. He was specially impressed to hear how i spent my time when i did not sleep or was not at school. I think he tried some of them at home once the interview was over since i got to know he had a swollen head and a broken arm around 2 days after the interview.
Well the interview soon ended, and as my momsie had predicted, i was offered some chocolates by the not so big unknown man. I took one, and said a polite thank you. He said "Why don't you take some more?". Now i did not know how to react to that. I was not told. So i opened my small fist and grabbed as many as i could and said another thank you.
The interview was over, and i came out to the comfort of my parents once again, they were so excited, and wanted to know what happened inside, and were happy till i told them the chocolates incident.
In a few days time, a white letter had come home. IT had an emblem on it similar to the one that was on my brothers school blazer. Popsie (Dad) and momsie were overjoyed reading it, but i never understood till much later what the reason was for the unusual celebration, but apparently i had passed my first interview.
Dedicated to the first box of chocolates that i took a grab at.
I was surprised, no one ever troubled me much while i was a kid, i used to tie my own shoe laces, wear my own uniform and go to Tiny Tots, then why this sudden rush of adrenaline to dress me up for some show? I asked my momsie "Where are we going? Is it a fancy dress ball?" She gave me a small momsie like smile and said that i was going to give answers to some questions to a big unknown man, and she said if that big unknown man offered me sweets or toffees, i should just take one and not act greedy. I nodded my head in agreement and set off with my parents to meet this big unknown man.
I entered the big unknown mans office. It was huge and had many glass shelves with a lot of books in them. I was expecting to meet a big time giant there, but in turn i saw this stout bald short man with a very deep scary voice. I was taken aback. My imagination and reality were not matching, this was calamity. So before he could ask me much, i asked him "Have you hidden the big man somewhere?". He gave a small snort (I till this date hope it was out of happiness), and helped me sit on a high chair kept near his desk.
During the course of conversation, he asked me a lot of questions, and they were so easy. He asked me my name, and my parents name and what they did and what i do when i do not sleep. He was specially impressed to hear how i spent my time when i did not sleep or was not at school. I think he tried some of them at home once the interview was over since i got to know he had a swollen head and a broken arm around 2 days after the interview.
Well the interview soon ended, and as my momsie had predicted, i was offered some chocolates by the not so big unknown man. I took one, and said a polite thank you. He said "Why don't you take some more?". Now i did not know how to react to that. I was not told. So i opened my small fist and grabbed as many as i could and said another thank you.
The interview was over, and i came out to the comfort of my parents once again, they were so excited, and wanted to know what happened inside, and were happy till i told them the chocolates incident.
In a few days time, a white letter had come home. IT had an emblem on it similar to the one that was on my brothers school blazer. Popsie (Dad) and momsie were overjoyed reading it, but i never understood till much later what the reason was for the unusual celebration, but apparently i had passed my first interview.
Dedicated to the first box of chocolates that i took a grab at.
Monday, August 18, 2008
My first remembered conversation with a friend ...
The resultant of the letter was that i had to wear a shite shirt and pant and a black and yellow striped tie and would have to go to a place called a school everyday at 7:30 in the morning.
On the first day all of us sat in a place called the round chapel. None of us knew the other person. It was so foreign to me. I did not like it. I sat there with a glum face waiting for something to happen, when the black curly haired boy next to me asked "What is the time?"
I stared at him with a surprised look. I had no clue about who he was, and what he meant (i also belive even he did not know what he was asking). I told him i had no idea about the time, and he did not look dissappointed. It was more like he was happy that someone had responded to him.
This curly haired boy was with me through thirteen years of my life in school and even after that. Today when i speak to him, i still feel the same fresh sense of smell called friendship that he had brought into my life with that first attempt of conversing with me.
Dedicated to the curly haired boy
On the first day all of us sat in a place called the round chapel. None of us knew the other person. It was so foreign to me. I did not like it. I sat there with a glum face waiting for something to happen, when the black curly haired boy next to me asked "What is the time?"
I stared at him with a surprised look. I had no clue about who he was, and what he meant (i also belive even he did not know what he was asking). I told him i had no idea about the time, and he did not look dissappointed. It was more like he was happy that someone had responded to him.
This curly haired boy was with me through thirteen years of my life in school and even after that. Today when i speak to him, i still feel the same fresh sense of smell called friendship that he had brought into my life with that first attempt of conversing with me.
Dedicated to the curly haired boy
Sunday, August 17, 2008
La Martiniere ....
As much as i hated waking up at 7:30 in the morning and going to school, i loved it. It would be a new day filled with fun and carefreeness.
I spent 13 years in that institution and through fun frolic discipline i learnt that life was more than just about frowning at problems . It was more about living every moment how tough it may be. I realized that even if the odds are against you, you need to be patient. I do not know about other schools, but what this school taught me was that you do not chose your relatives, but you do get to chose your friends and make a wise choice, cause they are the once who make you or break you.
I was lucky enough to have friends who were awesome and till date they are more like brothers than friends.
Well if i start relating the incidents in here it just might turn out to be another blog on it's own .... and not possible to be done in 4 days. All i can say as the shortest tribute to La Martiniere and the people i knew from it was that ... "Times change ... places change .... lives change ... but a brotherhood and humanity does not ..... its inbuilt in our hearts ..... it will always be there till we breathe our last ....."
Dedicated to La Martiniere and all my brothers from there.
I spent 13 years in that institution and through fun frolic discipline i learnt that life was more than just about frowning at problems . It was more about living every moment how tough it may be. I realized that even if the odds are against you, you need to be patient. I do not know about other schools, but what this school taught me was that you do not chose your relatives, but you do get to chose your friends and make a wise choice, cause they are the once who make you or break you.
I was lucky enough to have friends who were awesome and till date they are more like brothers than friends.
Well if i start relating the incidents in here it just might turn out to be another blog on it's own .... and not possible to be done in 4 days. All i can say as the shortest tribute to La Martiniere and the people i knew from it was that ... "Times change ... places change .... lives change ... but a brotherhood and humanity does not ..... its inbuilt in our hearts ..... it will always be there till we breathe our last ....."
Dedicated to La Martiniere and all my brothers from there.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
College ....
I know my last post was kind of incomplete without relating the intricate incidents that i had in school, but believe me there are so many that its better if i put it in a separate blog altogether if possible.
Well soon i moved out of school and joined college. This included a first and a second college. I first joined a pretty famous college in Delhi, where i was studying Chemistry honors. I lived in a hostel and although in the initial period, i went through a lot of the so called "personality development programs", the latter period till i left the college to join engineering in the second college, i enjoyed thoroughly. It was my first experience living in a hostel.
In my tenure in hostel, i learnt how to keep your own miseries behind you and try and heal another persons wound. It taught me how to believe that the next day would be better than today. It taught me to hope and wish good for others and myself it taught me to care share and also swear.
After two months it ended and i moved to an engineering college in Calcutta my hometown. From day one i hated the place, and i hate it till date. The only things i treasure from my college are the people i got to know there.
Education was very mediocre, and it left me very disinterested. I could never understand why professors were there since the only reason i passed through the exams were by reading through text books the night before the exam with no help from the professors.
Like school i had some very special friends out in college who still remain to be my brothers. The only difference being ..... in school us friends were too similar ..... we were like peas of the same pod ... but in college we were diverse but we understood each other .... and maybe that is the only learning i take back from college .... !! I believe that even if people do not certify what you think or how you think or cannot perceive your line of though .... but still listen to you and try and understand ... even at times make fun of you ..... but still support you when the time arises, they are maybe a garland of gems that you can always wear and boast off.
The other fact of college was that i hardly spent time in there. It was more in the tea shop or at a friends place drinking, doping, doing all kinds of things to get away from reality, but at the end of the semester we all used to realize that reality "bytes" and somehow help each other to pass the exams. A perfect example of how a brotherhood should work.
We had many escapades, some crude, some rude some simply unforgettable, but once again if i go about relating each and every one out here, i may as well start to write another blog on my college days, which of course i might some day but not now. This is not the time and place. This is more about summaries of incidents or periods of time that affected my life.
Well one day even college ended after the huge tension of college placements which i would have never survived without my college pals and soon the student period of this life time had ended with all my learning's about life ......
Dedicated to my brothers from College
Well soon i moved out of school and joined college. This included a first and a second college. I first joined a pretty famous college in Delhi, where i was studying Chemistry honors. I lived in a hostel and although in the initial period, i went through a lot of the so called "personality development programs", the latter period till i left the college to join engineering in the second college, i enjoyed thoroughly. It was my first experience living in a hostel.
In my tenure in hostel, i learnt how to keep your own miseries behind you and try and heal another persons wound. It taught me how to believe that the next day would be better than today. It taught me to hope and wish good for others and myself it taught me to care share and also swear.
After two months it ended and i moved to an engineering college in Calcutta my hometown. From day one i hated the place, and i hate it till date. The only things i treasure from my college are the people i got to know there.
Education was very mediocre, and it left me very disinterested. I could never understand why professors were there since the only reason i passed through the exams were by reading through text books the night before the exam with no help from the professors.
Like school i had some very special friends out in college who still remain to be my brothers. The only difference being ..... in school us friends were too similar ..... we were like peas of the same pod ... but in college we were diverse but we understood each other .... and maybe that is the only learning i take back from college .... !! I believe that even if people do not certify what you think or how you think or cannot perceive your line of though .... but still listen to you and try and understand ... even at times make fun of you ..... but still support you when the time arises, they are maybe a garland of gems that you can always wear and boast off.
The other fact of college was that i hardly spent time in there. It was more in the tea shop or at a friends place drinking, doping, doing all kinds of things to get away from reality, but at the end of the semester we all used to realize that reality "bytes" and somehow help each other to pass the exams. A perfect example of how a brotherhood should work.
We had many escapades, some crude, some rude some simply unforgettable, but once again if i go about relating each and every one out here, i may as well start to write another blog on my college days, which of course i might some day but not now. This is not the time and place. This is more about summaries of incidents or periods of time that affected my life.
Well one day even college ended after the huge tension of college placements which i would have never survived without my college pals and soon the student period of this life time had ended with all my learning's about life ......
Dedicated to my brothers from College
Friday, August 15, 2008
The day she went away....
There a few incidents in life that shake people, there are some that shatter people and there are some which can never be explained from an emotional point of view to anyone else including to your conscience.
I had met her in a fest while in school. Over a period of time through the end years of school we became good friends and enjoyed each others company. A day before i left for Delhi, we had a conversation which was the last conversation we had, where she wanted to be that special person in my life, and i was confused. I did not know about my future how could i take up someone else's and all i could say is that "We shall see, i am not sure about things."
I went to Delhi and was there for 2 months, and never heard from her, i used to mail/call her without any response. I thought either she had got busy or had got engrossed in her own life and was not in a position to reply and i left everything behind me and went on.
Soon i came back to Calcutta to study my engineering, and got busy with college and although she would linger behind my mind, i tried to engross myself in everything else. One day, i received mail from her saying that she wanted to meet me. The place was as odd as mad hatters whiskers, it was a particular ward number in a particular hospital.
For me it was more of delight since she had finally replied to my umpteenth mails. I went to the designated place to find her wrapped in a white sheet on those promiscuous beds which never like the same person lying on it for too many days.
She had been suffering from cancer which had been caught at the last moment and was living the final few days of her life. I did not know what to say. I still do not know. She just wanted to clasp my hand for the last time and feel secure that she would live.
She died four days later. Till date i have never been able to answer any of her questions and never will be able to.
Dedicated to a lost soul wich could never swim in the fish bowl
I had met her in a fest while in school. Over a period of time through the end years of school we became good friends and enjoyed each others company. A day before i left for Delhi, we had a conversation which was the last conversation we had, where she wanted to be that special person in my life, and i was confused. I did not know about my future how could i take up someone else's and all i could say is that "We shall see, i am not sure about things."
I went to Delhi and was there for 2 months, and never heard from her, i used to mail/call her without any response. I thought either she had got busy or had got engrossed in her own life and was not in a position to reply and i left everything behind me and went on.
Soon i came back to Calcutta to study my engineering, and got busy with college and although she would linger behind my mind, i tried to engross myself in everything else. One day, i received mail from her saying that she wanted to meet me. The place was as odd as mad hatters whiskers, it was a particular ward number in a particular hospital.
For me it was more of delight since she had finally replied to my umpteenth mails. I went to the designated place to find her wrapped in a white sheet on those promiscuous beds which never like the same person lying on it for too many days.
She had been suffering from cancer which had been caught at the last moment and was living the final few days of her life. I did not know what to say. I still do not know. She just wanted to clasp my hand for the last time and feel secure that she would live.
She died four days later. Till date i have never been able to answer any of her questions and never will be able to.
Dedicated to a lost soul wich could never swim in the fish bowl
Thursday, August 14, 2008
The Professional begining ....
When we are in school, or in college, we are always in a hurry to grow up. The world beckons us to come out and spread our wings and reach for newer horizons. In many cases its also about independence.
I was no different, end of college neared and i started sitting for campus interviews. Soon enough, i was graciously offered a job in a pretty big and decent organization, and yes maybe that sense of gratitude that i have is the only thing which has still kept me there (although i keep cribbing about the work and the people).
I still remember the day i got the offer through mail, i think more than me my parents were more relived and happy. There were two reasons to the happiness, one being that i had a job and two being that finally finally i was going away from the house where i had caused enough chaos for 21 years of my life and peace would prevail once more.
I set off to Bhubaneshwar for my training, and was there for three months. I had a nice set off friends there, and did everything but train. Soon the time had come to move on, and all of us parted to different locations. I caught the Chennai mail in the wee hours of the morning and landed up at Central station amidst the "Auto Thugs". Autowalla's are generally thieves, but these guys were a level above, they were bandits. This was the first place where the guy wanted 600 bucks to go 20 kms by Auto, and surprisingly the auto was not even made of gold.
A fine start you might say, but believe me its just about getting settled in. These were minor hiccups in the process. For me i have adjusted all my life, and i adjusted again and was pretty much comfortable in no time. Once work started, i soon found many like minded people and maybe the silver period of my life started. It was hard toil and harder fun which kept me and the others going. People talk about teamwork in a project, i saw a brotherhood at work.
On weekends, we would simply either crash at my place and see psychotic movies and drink and dope and make merry and relive our dreams, or we would just go to this place called "Star Rock" and listen to some really great music and have a few drinks and then come back to my place and see psychotic movies, listen to some more psychotic music, dope and make merry and relived our dreams which were always so close and yet just beyond the touch of the finger tips.
A real weekday and a virtual hallucinating weekend encompassed my life for 2 years in Chennai, and i lived. I really lived after a long time. Then one by one people started leaving either for foreign lands or to other jobs or to other places in India, and soon it was a handful left, but although we lost many, we still had their memories, their wishes their thoughts and we continued the same way.
One day it was my turn. When i came to Chennai i never knew that if i had to leave it, i would feel bad, but i did. From that time on, i realized a vital truth of life, its not about where you are, its about who you are with that matters.
But time does not stop and nor does tide, and i moved to Portland OR. I took with me umpteenth memories and friends for a lifetime maybe more, but i do not believe in rebirth so that's not a viable thought.
Even today when we brothers speak, it is with the same camaraderie and feeling that we used to do when we were together. Distance had played its game, but we were winners.
Dedicated to my borthers whom i met in Bhubaneshwar and Chennai
I was no different, end of college neared and i started sitting for campus interviews. Soon enough, i was graciously offered a job in a pretty big and decent organization, and yes maybe that sense of gratitude that i have is the only thing which has still kept me there (although i keep cribbing about the work and the people).
I still remember the day i got the offer through mail, i think more than me my parents were more relived and happy. There were two reasons to the happiness, one being that i had a job and two being that finally finally i was going away from the house where i had caused enough chaos for 21 years of my life and peace would prevail once more.
I set off to Bhubaneshwar for my training, and was there for three months. I had a nice set off friends there, and did everything but train. Soon the time had come to move on, and all of us parted to different locations. I caught the Chennai mail in the wee hours of the morning and landed up at Central station amidst the "Auto Thugs". Autowalla's are generally thieves, but these guys were a level above, they were bandits. This was the first place where the guy wanted 600 bucks to go 20 kms by Auto, and surprisingly the auto was not even made of gold.
A fine start you might say, but believe me its just about getting settled in. These were minor hiccups in the process. For me i have adjusted all my life, and i adjusted again and was pretty much comfortable in no time. Once work started, i soon found many like minded people and maybe the silver period of my life started. It was hard toil and harder fun which kept me and the others going. People talk about teamwork in a project, i saw a brotherhood at work.
On weekends, we would simply either crash at my place and see psychotic movies and drink and dope and make merry and relive our dreams, or we would just go to this place called "Star Rock" and listen to some really great music and have a few drinks and then come back to my place and see psychotic movies, listen to some more psychotic music, dope and make merry and relived our dreams which were always so close and yet just beyond the touch of the finger tips.
A real weekday and a virtual hallucinating weekend encompassed my life for 2 years in Chennai, and i lived. I really lived after a long time. Then one by one people started leaving either for foreign lands or to other jobs or to other places in India, and soon it was a handful left, but although we lost many, we still had their memories, their wishes their thoughts and we continued the same way.
One day it was my turn. When i came to Chennai i never knew that if i had to leave it, i would feel bad, but i did. From that time on, i realized a vital truth of life, its not about where you are, its about who you are with that matters.
But time does not stop and nor does tide, and i moved to Portland OR. I took with me umpteenth memories and friends for a lifetime maybe more, but i do not believe in rebirth so that's not a viable thought.
Even today when we brothers speak, it is with the same camaraderie and feeling that we used to do when we were together. Distance had played its game, but we were winners.
Dedicated to my borthers whom i met in Bhubaneshwar and Chennai
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The Portland days with a genius and much more ....
Everyone of my brothers who were left in Chennai came to see me off at the airport to depart to a distant land. A land of opportunities, realizations and much more. As much as i hated leaving them and going, i will not lie, i had this sense of excitement in me to see a new place, meet new people, live life in a new way. Immigration, customs, and soon i was up up and away, leaving behind much more than just memories.
I landed up in the land of dreams amidst the dainty statue of liberty to gain entry. Once i had gained entry, it was a long long flight to the other coast with 2 pit stops in the middle. If you ask me how i felt seeing the new culture and people, i can use the three i's, intelligent, imminent from where i came and intimidating.
After a long journey to Portland with the hectic travel and all the mental struggle, i was in one sentence just ready for a bed that had been made ready for me by a certain genius i would stay with during my stint there.
I knew the genius from Chennai, not for long though, but enough for us to relate to each other. I had reached on a Sunday, and a hectic work schedule lay in front of me from day one to end of stay, but i never realized that even in such a hectic period i would have adequate fun.
Living with the genius was a different ball game altogether. He was a genius and me a mere mortal, but the greatness in him was that he never portrayed himself as a genius, maybe the style off all such people. I knew i would never be a genius, but i still learnt that to be humble is a blessing and to spread knowledge while being humble is a greater virtue.
Work was hectic, life was tough, but we had a great time. From going on drives on long weekends (dangerous drives though) to the coast and landing up on top off the hills, to simply producing cd after cd of every movie that we wanted to see, to having intellectual conversations, to creating web services that could torture the Google server, to just keeping quiet and listening to music we did it all. For me it was living an American dream, for the genius it was living a part of his youth, but it was great and that's all i can say. We had our differences, and we understood when to stop and when to continue. It was going amazingly well, but then life has many turns.
One day the clients informed me that i was going back to India since they did not have the money to keep me here. I went back home to see a face which looked more disappointed than mine and that was the genius's. He even tried to trade places with me in going back to keep me here, but nothing worked, and we were celebrating my last Friday night in Portland on some nice wine when Mr X called me.
I knew Mr X from my Chennai days and he was even more flabbergasted as to how i had agreed to go back from the so called land of dreams. He did weave some magic over the next few hours, and i soon realized that i was here to stay for some more time in a place called Nashville.
Soon Monday morning approached, and i left behind the genius and some great time behind me and moved on to Nashville. On flight i kept wondering what awaited me there, i never knew and i would never know till i reached there. I had spoken about the silver period of life before, it was about to be the golden period.
Dedicated to the Genius and Mr X and to everyone in Portland i spent time with.
I landed up in the land of dreams amidst the dainty statue of liberty to gain entry. Once i had gained entry, it was a long long flight to the other coast with 2 pit stops in the middle. If you ask me how i felt seeing the new culture and people, i can use the three i's, intelligent, imminent from where i came and intimidating.
After a long journey to Portland with the hectic travel and all the mental struggle, i was in one sentence just ready for a bed that had been made ready for me by a certain genius i would stay with during my stint there.
I knew the genius from Chennai, not for long though, but enough for us to relate to each other. I had reached on a Sunday, and a hectic work schedule lay in front of me from day one to end of stay, but i never realized that even in such a hectic period i would have adequate fun.
Living with the genius was a different ball game altogether. He was a genius and me a mere mortal, but the greatness in him was that he never portrayed himself as a genius, maybe the style off all such people. I knew i would never be a genius, but i still learnt that to be humble is a blessing and to spread knowledge while being humble is a greater virtue.
Work was hectic, life was tough, but we had a great time. From going on drives on long weekends (dangerous drives though) to the coast and landing up on top off the hills, to simply producing cd after cd of every movie that we wanted to see, to having intellectual conversations, to creating web services that could torture the Google server, to just keeping quiet and listening to music we did it all. For me it was living an American dream, for the genius it was living a part of his youth, but it was great and that's all i can say. We had our differences, and we understood when to stop and when to continue. It was going amazingly well, but then life has many turns.
One day the clients informed me that i was going back to India since they did not have the money to keep me here. I went back home to see a face which looked more disappointed than mine and that was the genius's. He even tried to trade places with me in going back to keep me here, but nothing worked, and we were celebrating my last Friday night in Portland on some nice wine when Mr X called me.
I knew Mr X from my Chennai days and he was even more flabbergasted as to how i had agreed to go back from the so called land of dreams. He did weave some magic over the next few hours, and i soon realized that i was here to stay for some more time in a place called Nashville.
Soon Monday morning approached, and i left behind the genius and some great time behind me and moved on to Nashville. On flight i kept wondering what awaited me there, i never knew and i would never know till i reached there. I had spoken about the silver period of life before, it was about to be the golden period.
Dedicated to the Genius and Mr X and to everyone in Portland i spent time with.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Nashville Knights .....
From Portland to Nashville nothing like Chennai to Portland but tiring yes since it had some stop overs and waits and i reached pretty late in the evening.
I met Mr X there who was more than happy to have me there since he had arranged it all. A good meal of Rajma and rice and i was off too dreamland. The next day was my first day at work in Nashville. I always believed that nothing could be worse than having loads of work as till that day, i had been engrossed, surrounded and overloaded with work, but Nashville well in those initial days turned out to be completely opposite.
It was raining the next day, amidst the rain, a big cab with 3 people in it arrived to pick us up. Then we moved on to pick up the 6th and the then final member of the team. That was the first time i met "TD". There are certain moments in your life that you can never forget as it gets engraved in your mind and soul and will go to the grave with you, well for me this was one.
We moved onwards to office, it was bigger than the previous place and work was relatively less. In fact for the first two weeks i did not even have a system and would use my neighbour sly's system. He did not mind as it gave him respite from his old boss who would come and ask the status after every 20 mins.
Work went on, life went on. Things were moving very smoothly, everything being picture perfect, it was unbelievable. I in fact lost my instincts for struggle, but yeah i still continued to live on the edge, that being a habit and as my father used to say when i was a kid "Habit is hard to die, you take away the h, abit is left, you take away the a, bit is left, and if you also manage to take away the b, still it is left.". He was right my habits never left me some instincts did.
But if things go smooth for a long time, you should beware, as that is a sign of impending trouble. Even here, that's what happened, one day i was asked to go back to India for two months to setup a team there. I tried hard to stick around, but alas due to some unforeseen and unhandleable circumstances, i had to go back.
I remember the day i left clearly, a cup of well made tea by "TD" and a tearful farewell amidst a gloomy skyline. The same yellow cab that had brought me into the golden times took me away from it, and i sat in the cab and watched it all being washed away helplessly. They say life is a roller coaster, and you reach the nadir and then you come down, but sometimes you wish the roller coaster had a power failure right on top so you stay there forever. That was exactly what i felt like.
Back in Chennai it was the same rigorous schedule with long journeys to office, with all kinds of back problems and other things. Within all that hustle bustle, i just looked forward to three times of the entire day. One in the morning, once in the evening and once at night. Those were the times I got to speak with "TD". Everything else was just alien to me and a task or a duty that i needed to finish fast and head back to Nashville. I had left behind some treasures and needed to get back fast. My managers were not keen on getting me back after 2 months, but a lot of bickering and shouting finally did the breakthrough. I kept my promise, i went back in 2 months.
My second stint at Nashville began late in the night, and the first thing i did was go and meet "TD". Tired i was, mentally, physically, the India trip had taken a lot out of me, but that's no excuse, Darwin had proclaimed that only the fittest will survive and despite all the fatigue, i started work once more.
Unlike the previous stint at Nashville, this one was not picture perfect, in fact it was far from perfect. There were problems all around, and i had lost the spirit to struggle, i lay lame apart from the occasional outbursts which were directed more towards the people back in India. Sometimes I feel bad for what i did. I was getting frustrated with life, and was taking it out on those guys. If i ever get a chance maybe i need to go and apologize to the people out there for what i had done.
Any ways, life still moved on, I will not say that things got better, but it was more that i was getting used to that kind of a life, and then one day "TD" left for another place. Maybe the only person that i could talk to without any inhibitions and depend on had also been sent away. I never believed in god, but the day "TD" left i prayed, and that was and will be the last time, cause even god did not do anything to stop what was happening.
Once again life moved on far worse, the only distractions were work and music. I started playing the guitar more seriously, even went ahead and composed some songs, i just needed to keep busy. I used to wait for calls from "TD", and even that one small call would pour in some life into me.
Life moved on, society moved on, throngs of people marched ahead, but i remained there where i was. Slowly due to my bad habits of living on the edge and many more, my health keeps deteriorating, but it does not matter, i have finally left things to fate. I am still there in the same gilded city of Nashville where once the stars used to shine in the night and yes there was sunlight even during winter.
Dedicated to the Nashville Knights
I met Mr X there who was more than happy to have me there since he had arranged it all. A good meal of Rajma and rice and i was off too dreamland. The next day was my first day at work in Nashville. I always believed that nothing could be worse than having loads of work as till that day, i had been engrossed, surrounded and overloaded with work, but Nashville well in those initial days turned out to be completely opposite.
It was raining the next day, amidst the rain, a big cab with 3 people in it arrived to pick us up. Then we moved on to pick up the 6th and the then final member of the team. That was the first time i met "TD". There are certain moments in your life that you can never forget as it gets engraved in your mind and soul and will go to the grave with you, well for me this was one.
We moved onwards to office, it was bigger than the previous place and work was relatively less. In fact for the first two weeks i did not even have a system and would use my neighbour sly's system. He did not mind as it gave him respite from his old boss who would come and ask the status after every 20 mins.
Work went on, life went on. Things were moving very smoothly, everything being picture perfect, it was unbelievable. I in fact lost my instincts for struggle, but yeah i still continued to live on the edge, that being a habit and as my father used to say when i was a kid "Habit is hard to die, you take away the h, abit is left, you take away the a, bit is left, and if you also manage to take away the b, still it is left.". He was right my habits never left me some instincts did.
But if things go smooth for a long time, you should beware, as that is a sign of impending trouble. Even here, that's what happened, one day i was asked to go back to India for two months to setup a team there. I tried hard to stick around, but alas due to some unforeseen and unhandleable circumstances, i had to go back.
I remember the day i left clearly, a cup of well made tea by "TD" and a tearful farewell amidst a gloomy skyline. The same yellow cab that had brought me into the golden times took me away from it, and i sat in the cab and watched it all being washed away helplessly. They say life is a roller coaster, and you reach the nadir and then you come down, but sometimes you wish the roller coaster had a power failure right on top so you stay there forever. That was exactly what i felt like.
Back in Chennai it was the same rigorous schedule with long journeys to office, with all kinds of back problems and other things. Within all that hustle bustle, i just looked forward to three times of the entire day. One in the morning, once in the evening and once at night. Those were the times I got to speak with "TD". Everything else was just alien to me and a task or a duty that i needed to finish fast and head back to Nashville. I had left behind some treasures and needed to get back fast. My managers were not keen on getting me back after 2 months, but a lot of bickering and shouting finally did the breakthrough. I kept my promise, i went back in 2 months.
My second stint at Nashville began late in the night, and the first thing i did was go and meet "TD". Tired i was, mentally, physically, the India trip had taken a lot out of me, but that's no excuse, Darwin had proclaimed that only the fittest will survive and despite all the fatigue, i started work once more.
Unlike the previous stint at Nashville, this one was not picture perfect, in fact it was far from perfect. There were problems all around, and i had lost the spirit to struggle, i lay lame apart from the occasional outbursts which were directed more towards the people back in India. Sometimes I feel bad for what i did. I was getting frustrated with life, and was taking it out on those guys. If i ever get a chance maybe i need to go and apologize to the people out there for what i had done.
Any ways, life still moved on, I will not say that things got better, but it was more that i was getting used to that kind of a life, and then one day "TD" left for another place. Maybe the only person that i could talk to without any inhibitions and depend on had also been sent away. I never believed in god, but the day "TD" left i prayed, and that was and will be the last time, cause even god did not do anything to stop what was happening.
Once again life moved on far worse, the only distractions were work and music. I started playing the guitar more seriously, even went ahead and composed some songs, i just needed to keep busy. I used to wait for calls from "TD", and even that one small call would pour in some life into me.
Life moved on, society moved on, throngs of people marched ahead, but i remained there where i was. Slowly due to my bad habits of living on the edge and many more, my health keeps deteriorating, but it does not matter, i have finally left things to fate. I am still there in the same gilded city of Nashville where once the stars used to shine in the night and yes there was sunlight even during winter.
Dedicated to the Nashville Knights
Thursday, August 7, 2008
"TD"
"TD" deserves much much more than just a single post, but this is a memoir, and it needs to be brief.
Well how do i put it. Humans need oxygen to breathe, people like me need something different, we can keep breathing but not know that we are living, we require an essence that gives us a nudge and says "You are living, now get going and clean up the mess you have created". That essence for me is "TD". "TD" is life personified.
If you have read my previous post, you would already know that i met "TD" in Nashville on that rainy day, and that was the beginning of my fondest days.
"TD" had brought in a sense of life in me, to a certain extent even a sense of responsibility. Through our various conversations, debates, arguments, humorous banter, even just silence, i slowly matured. When "TD " was there, all i wanted was that conversation, that banter, that silence to never end.
People get woken up by alarm clocks, some by kicks from their pals, i used to get woken up by this very cool, pleasant but a threatening voice asking me to rise and shine, and if i did not i knew the consequences, so i rose and shone everyday without fail. Its unforgettable that voice, if you ever get to meet "TD", you will understand as well.
We ventured around the entire United states from the south to the north and from the east to the west, time just flied. It had to, moments never stop when "TD" is around. How can it, can u even imagine yourself trying to weave a car through heavy traffic on an interstate when you are a new driver and your co passenger is feeding on french fries due to emotional distress seeing the heavy traffic and my plight? Can u imagine a day when you are completely dehydrated due to a bad drinking night previous to that and you are about to collapse someone asking you "You will not die right?"? Can you imagine peacefully sleeping in the morning and then someone knocking on your door and opening it to find a person in distress because the driving instructor had been mean? Can you imagine a person getting upset and breaking all hell lose because you could not enter your house on a rainy night as some idiot had taken away your key? Its difficult, because you did not meet "TD".
As i said earlier one post is not enough, maybe a lifetime is not enough for "TD", since it is not possible to encompass life in a life time till you have lived it fully, similarly "TD" and the memories that remain cannot be encompassed here.
This is a very brief ode to "TD", but i know once i read this again or it is read to me again, i shall recover from my memory loss.
"TD" is the humor of life, the pathos of the soul, a rainbow on a rainy day and the last star in the sky.
Live on, dream on, touch peoples lives, teach them to live, make them smile, take away their pains and sorrows. That's what "TD" always wants, and i have to end this post with that.
Dedicated to the one and only "TD" .......
Well how do i put it. Humans need oxygen to breathe, people like me need something different, we can keep breathing but not know that we are living, we require an essence that gives us a nudge and says "You are living, now get going and clean up the mess you have created". That essence for me is "TD". "TD" is life personified.
If you have read my previous post, you would already know that i met "TD" in Nashville on that rainy day, and that was the beginning of my fondest days.
"TD" had brought in a sense of life in me, to a certain extent even a sense of responsibility. Through our various conversations, debates, arguments, humorous banter, even just silence, i slowly matured. When "TD " was there, all i wanted was that conversation, that banter, that silence to never end.
People get woken up by alarm clocks, some by kicks from their pals, i used to get woken up by this very cool, pleasant but a threatening voice asking me to rise and shine, and if i did not i knew the consequences, so i rose and shone everyday without fail. Its unforgettable that voice, if you ever get to meet "TD", you will understand as well.
We ventured around the entire United states from the south to the north and from the east to the west, time just flied. It had to, moments never stop when "TD" is around. How can it, can u even imagine yourself trying to weave a car through heavy traffic on an interstate when you are a new driver and your co passenger is feeding on french fries due to emotional distress seeing the heavy traffic and my plight? Can u imagine a day when you are completely dehydrated due to a bad drinking night previous to that and you are about to collapse someone asking you "You will not die right?"? Can you imagine peacefully sleeping in the morning and then someone knocking on your door and opening it to find a person in distress because the driving instructor had been mean? Can you imagine a person getting upset and breaking all hell lose because you could not enter your house on a rainy night as some idiot had taken away your key? Its difficult, because you did not meet "TD".
As i said earlier one post is not enough, maybe a lifetime is not enough for "TD", since it is not possible to encompass life in a life time till you have lived it fully, similarly "TD" and the memories that remain cannot be encompassed here.
This is a very brief ode to "TD", but i know once i read this again or it is read to me again, i shall recover from my memory loss.
"TD" is the humor of life, the pathos of the soul, a rainbow on a rainy day and the last star in the sky.
Live on, dream on, touch peoples lives, teach them to live, make them smile, take away their pains and sorrows. That's what "TD" always wants, and i have to end this post with that.
Dedicated to the one and only "TD" .......
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Postlude .....
I have lived, i have felt,
I have seen the snow melt !!
I have danced, i have sung,
I have lived it till the last rung !!
I have laughed, i have cried,
I have cribbed, i have lied !!
I have been, i have seen,
I have been honest and i have been keen !!
I have heard the sound,
on the long lost mound !!
I have heard the clock chyme,
giving me the memoirs of a life time !!
Dedicated to Memoirs of a life time ....
I have seen the snow melt !!
I have danced, i have sung,
I have lived it till the last rung !!
I have laughed, i have cried,
I have cribbed, i have lied !!
I have been, i have seen,
I have been honest and i have been keen !!
I have heard the sound,
on the long lost mound !!
I have heard the clock chyme,
giving me the memoirs of a life time !!
Dedicated to Memoirs of a life time ....
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